finnian's birth story, mother's day 2009
June 08, 2009
Written by Daddy
We used Hypnobabies birthing techniques during Finn's birth. For more information on classes, click here.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Around
At this point, we believed that Meg had started labor and were pleased to see how easily things were progressing. Although there was no objective reason to worry about going past the due date – especially considering that the typical first-born arrives a week and a day “late” – we had been feeling anxious about the medical pressure to induce labor that would begin a week or so after the due date. The arrival of these contractions thus lifted that burden of stress, replacing it with expectations of a joyful birth in the next day or two. Meg did a few self-hypnosis sessions in order to stay positive and to practice her relaxation tools. In part due to our inexperience and in part because we did not know how much hypnosis would ease the discomfort of birthing, we were a bit overly optimistic about how quickly we would get to meet Finnian.
Meg’s parents arrived from their hotel that morning, and the four of us spent a pleasant day throughout all of which we timed Meg’s contractions, which hovered between 7 and 10 minutes apart, trending slowly closer together but not gaining much in intensity. We called the birthing center in the afternoon to confirm that we should wait until the contractions were coming 4 minutes apart or less for over an hour before heading in. Allison, one of the midwives, answered our questions and reassured us that we were doing the right things and ought to stay home. Throughout the day, Meg chatted happily with her parents and went for a couple of walks, often continuing to walk through each contraction. I spent most of the day preparing for the birth, baking healthy oatmeal cookies, cooking a lasagna as a post-birth meal, and assembling the birthing bag.
Around
Saturday, May 9, 2009
At about
After this startling episode, Meg began to wake up with each contraction, which were now substantially more intense than the night before. She had been having a little bloody show continuously since Friday morning, but the contractions were still spaced apart about 7 minutes.
Saturday was similar to Friday with increased intensity through each contraction. By now, timing the contractions was a familiar ritual that involved her mom, her dad and me. I would record the contractions while her mom would note what time they began and her dad would measure the duration. This helped us pass the time and stay involved more than it was necessary for the birthing process itself. For her part, Meg stayed upbeat and chatty between contractions. We went for another walk, though this time Meg leaned on me through each contraction and we began to use the hypnotic relaxation tools more frequently, particularly the “Peace” cue.
By Saturday
afternoon, impatience was getting the better of all of us. We were feeling
happy that Meg was doing so well but frustrated that her labor did not seem to
be progressing in the way that we expected. Around 2 in the afternoon, we called
the birthing center and spoke to
Cher, the midwife on-call for the weekend. After we explained that Meg had been having continuous contractions for almost 36 hours, she agreed that it was appropriate for us to go in to have Meg’s cervix checked. We left Meg’s parents at home and went in.
When we
arrived at the center,
Concerned that Meg would wear herself out during this “false” labor, Cher advised us to try to calm her uterus with a warm bath, a small glass of wine and some Tylenol PM and to get some rest. We now think that this was a mistake. We should have trusted that Meg’s body knew what it was doing and not fallen for the idea of “false labor.” It was going slow, not badly. Instead, we followed this advice that evening, after another wonderful dinner prepared by Meg’s mom.
In the early evening, just after her parents left, Meg took a warm bath. During the bath, the intensity of the contractions increased and for the first time, I sensed that Meg might be feeling out of control and perhaps even scared. For at least 15 minutes while she lay in the water moaning, I struggled to make the hypnosis tools relevant. Soon, I realized that I was saying too much. There were certain hypnotic cues that I could use to instantly relax Meg. I used them over and over during her birthing waves without feeling that they really worked. Then I realized that it was more important for Meg to use the tools herself and to feel that she was in control of this process. Once I began simply to reassure her that she knew how to deal with this intensity, she quickly seized on the idea and used the tools herself. She also discovered that vocalizing helped her deal with each birthing wave. She began to vocalize the word “peace” as well as an “uh” sound.
Meg happily
drank the glass of wine. It was the first glass she had had since we started
trying to get pregnant. We debated the benefits of the Tylenol PM, but in the
end Meg decided to take the pills since she felt she needed the rest. She
swallowed the pills around
Finally,
after
I had to leave Meg to go through several contractions alone with her recorded hypnosis scripts while I prepared the car, tired, determined and trying not to become frantic. We had about 4 bags, pillows, blankets, and food. I called her parents at the hotel, where they were sleeping soundly this second night, to let them know we were going in. My mother-in-law recalls that the last thing I said in my sleep-deprived state was, “I have the lasagna.”
Sunday, May 10, 2009
(Finn’s Birth Day)
Meg wanted
to try laboring in the tub, so Nicole prepared it for her while
By now, Meg had gone deeply into herself. I began to feel awe being in her presence – an awe that would grow and multiply from this point forward. She vocalized with each pressure wave. I drew on the HypnoBabies training to help her continue feeling in charge of Finn’s beautiful birth. Whenever I sensed fear in her vocalization, the Peace cue relaxed her within seconds. Early in the morning, Meg listened to the special childbirth script, but otherwise, she did not feel the need to listen to her Deepening CD, which could have renewed her hypnosis. Instead, she remained in a steady state of calmness and relaxation.
We were frankly not sure whether we would feel comfortable having Meg’s parents in the room during the birth. We thought it might be too many people for her to concentrate on her hypnosis. As the morning progressed, we got a chance to talk about it. I was still feeling overwhelmed focusing on Meg during her frequent contractions and at the same time trying to locate the right supplies in our many bags, but more important, Meg felt that she wanted to share this wonderful experience with her parents. I called them at the hotel around 7 and asked them to come over, which they did.
Around this time, Nicole left and a new and equally gracious nurse named Holly came on-duty. Both Nicole and Holly were visibly impressed with the control that Meg maintained throughout the increasingly intense contractions. We are extremely grateful to both of them for helping to make this birth an enjoyable process.
Meg began
to become more active during her contractions as sun began to pour into the
room, and we developed a routine of putting our foreheads together during the
contractions. I would remind and encourage Meg to use her hypnosis, improving
the words based on how she seemed to be feeling and how she responded, and she
would vocalize and focus. Her parents were an enormous help, both spiritually
and physically, applying the hot compress to her back when she felt pressure
there, placing cool washclothes on her forehead, massaging, and catching the occasional
vomit. Later in the morning, Meg’s labor slowed down, as though she were
preparing for the final stage. She even got a little sleep.
After
As she entered transition – or “transformation,” as we called it – the intensity picked up again, but hypnosis again allowed Meg to gain control quickly. Her water broke and the baby’s head dropped further down. I expected the pushing to begin imminently, as Meg was having strong pushing sensations. The energy in the room skyrocketed. But the midwife told us to wait. I avoided talking about pushing because I was focused on helping Meg resist the urge to push, in case her cervix was not completely dilated.
The midwife soon arrived and we got Meg up onto the bed so she could be checked. There was just a lip of her cervix over Finn’s head, and the midwife offered to hold it back during the next contraction to see if Meg could push Finn past. She did just that, and from that point on, there was no stopping that baby! With the encouragement of the midwife, and despite my initial attempts to get through to Meg and ask her if she wanted a gentler pushing stage, Meg began to push Finn out incredibly fast. The midwife had us support her legs and lift up her head, putting her into a crunch. She had Meg hold her breath during the peak of each contraction, coming every one or two minutes, and push. I was not wholly comfortable with this, but the midwife had taken over and Meg was understandably ready to see her child. She wanted this, and she showed it.
Within 12
minutes, to the astonished looks and cries of
As Finn’s
head moved to a maximum crowning position, the midwife told Meg to stop
pushing, but Meg was concentrating so hard that it was difficult to make her
understand that the process needed to slow down. The midwife was using warm oil
on Meg’s perineum. We were all yelling at her to stop and relax for about 20
seconds, but she just kept pushing. Eventually she stopped and
Meg had a considerable tear, although she seemed to feel no pain. I went through a whole range of emotions at that point, strongly colored by exhaustion and a cocktail of adrenaline and other hormones. I felt elated by the birth, but at the same time like I had failed to prevent the intense pushing that I blame for Meg’s tear. Meg, however, was nonplussed by the midwife’s nearly hour-long effort to stitch her up. She was snuggling with her baby boy, who was as cute as he could be. We’ve got the pictures to prove it. After a little more than an hour, I fell off a hormonal and emotional cliff and had to walk outside. I imagine many new fathers experience something like this, given the intensity of the experience. I used the time outside to call family members. The feeling wore off quickly and I returned to enjoy the time with my son.
Meg’s parents soon left us alone to recuperate in the birthing center. We stayed until just after dark. During our time there a little girl named River was born in the room next-door. Nicole returned to work the night-shift and walked us through the basics of caring for a new-born and a new mother.
We are
incredibly thankful to the birthing center, to