Written by Daddy
We used Hypnobabies birthing techniques during Finn's birth. For more information on classes, click here.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Around 4 a.m.in the morning on the due/guess date set
for Finn’s arrival, Meg began to feel low-intensity contractions or “birthing
waves” as we called them. She had some bloody show. I went back to sleep while
Meg, largely out of excitement, stayed awake surfing Web sites about this stage
of labor.
At this
point, we believed that Meg had started labor and were pleased to see how
easily things were progressing. Although there was no objective reason to worry
about going past the due date – especially considering that the typical
first-born arrives a week and a day “late” – we had been feeling anxious about
the medical pressure to induce labor that would begin a week or so after the
due date. The arrival of these contractions thus lifted that burden of stress,
replacing it with expectations of a joyful birth in the next day or two. Meg
did a few self-hypnosis sessions in order to stay positive and to practice her
relaxation tools. In part due to our inexperience and in part because we did
not know how much hypnosis would ease the discomfort of birthing, we were a bit
overly optimistic about how quickly we would get to meet Finnian.
Meg’s
parents arrived from their hotel that morning, and the four of us spent a
pleasant day throughout all of which we timed Meg’s contractions, which hovered
between 7 and 10 minutes apart, trending slowly closer together but not gaining
much in intensity. We called the birthing center in the afternoon to confirm
that we should wait until the contractions were coming 4 minutes apart or less
for over an hour before heading in. Allison, one of the midwives, answered our
questions and reassured us that we were doing the right things and ought to
stay home. Throughout the day, Meg chatted happily with her parents and went
for a couple of walks, often continuing to walk through each contraction. I
spent most of the day preparing for the birth, baking healthy oatmeal cookies,
cooking a lasagna as a post-birth meal, and assembling the birthing bag.
Around 9 p.m., Meg’s parents left for their hotel room
where they spent a sleepless night wondering whether Meg was going into more
intense labor. Meg and I feel into a restless sleep, waking up periodically and
timing contractions when their intensity woke Meg up. We also wondered if we
would head into the birthing center that night.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
At about 3 a.m., shortly after we went back to sleep for
the third or fourth time, through our open bedroom windows we thought we heard
a firefight on the street side of our house. It sounded like a shotgun at one
end of the street – BOOM! – followed by three shots from a smaller weapon at
the other end – Crack! Crack! Crack! The pattern repeated a few times. Though
we are not inclined to fear crime, the proximity of the gunfire really
frightened us. I reached for my phone on my nightstand and called 911, going
under the covers to mask the light of the phone’s LED from anyone outside. An
automated message asked me to wait and in that moment, we heard the shots
again, but this time we also heard the tell-tale fizzle that meant we were
hearing fireworks rather than gunshots. Annoyed rather than bemused, we still
managed to recall that random fireworks had gone off on the Notre Dame campus
during our first kiss and to appreciate this fitting marker for the birth of
our first child.
After this
startling episode, Meg began to wake up with each contraction, which were now
substantially more intense than the night before. She had been having a little
bloody show continuously since Friday morning, but the contractions were still
spaced apart about 7 minutes.
Saturday
was similar to Friday with increased intensity through each contraction. By
now, timing the contractions was a familiar ritual that involved her mom, her
dad and me. I would record the contractions while her mom would note what time
they began and her dad would measure the duration. This helped us pass the time
and stay involved more than it was necessary for the birthing process itself.
For her part, Meg stayed upbeat and chatty between contractions. We went for
another walk, though this time Meg leaned on me through each contraction and we
began to use the hypnotic relaxation tools more frequently, particularly the
“Peace” cue.
By Saturday
afternoon, impatience was getting the better of all of us. We were feeling
happy that Meg was doing so well but frustrated that her labor did not seem to
be progressing in the way that we expected. Around 2 in the afternoon, we called
the birthing center and spoke to
Cher, the midwife
on-call for the weekend. After we explained that Meg had been having continuous
contractions for almost 36 hours, she agreed that it was appropriate for us to
go in to have Meg’s cervix checked. We left Meg’s parents at home and went in.
When we
arrived at the center, Cher immediately declared that
Meg looked too good to be in labor. She must be in “false labor,” a term that
we chafed against. By this time, Meg’s contractions felt quite real to her, and
it was clear that her body was doing important and difficult work, even if it
had not yet starting dilating her cervix or pushing the baby out. If I am being
honest, I have to admit that descriptions of hypnotic births I had read and
heard had prepared me to believe that Meg’s birth might appear less intense to the midwives because Meg was prepared to accept the intensity with greater calm.
I thought Cher just might not recognize that we were
different. In retrospect, though her delivery of the news might have lacked
tact, Cher was absolutely correct that the intensity
would grow enormously during active labor. At this point, Meg’s cervix was 2
centimeters dilated and 90 percent effaced.
Concerned
that Meg would wear herself out during this “false” labor, Cher advised us to
try to calm her uterus with a warm bath, a small glass of wine and some Tylenol
PM and to get some rest. We now think that this was a mistake. We should have
trusted that Meg’s body knew what it was doing and not fallen for the idea of
“false labor.” It was going slow, not badly. Instead, we followed this advice
that evening, after another wonderful dinner prepared by Meg’s mom.
In the
early evening, just after her parents left, Meg took a warm bath. During the
bath, the intensity of the contractions increased and for the first time, I
sensed that Meg might be feeling out of control and perhaps even scared. For at
least 15 minutes while she lay in the water moaning, I struggled to make the
hypnosis tools relevant. Soon, I realized that I was saying too much. There were certain hypnotic
cues that I could use to instantly relax Meg. I used them over and over during
her birthing waves without feeling that they really worked. Then I realized
that it was more important for Meg to use the tools herself and to feel that
she was in control of this process. Once I began simply to reassure her that
she knew how to deal with this intensity, she quickly seized on the idea and
used the tools herself. She also discovered that vocalizing helped her deal
with each birthing wave. She began to vocalize the word “peace” as well as an
“uh” sound.
Meg happily
drank the glass of wine. It was the first glass she had had since we started
trying to get pregnant. We debated the benefits of the Tylenol PM, but in the
end Meg decided to take the pills since she felt she needed the rest. She
swallowed the pills around 10 p.m. and we laid down in bed. Within 30 minutes, Meg’s contractions increased in
frequency and she threw up several times over the side of the bed. We were not
sure whether the Tylenol had been expelled, but its effects soon became
apparent. Meg went into a period in which she was extremely drowsy and fell
asleep between waves. While her waves had been coming about 3 minutes apart,
they slowed to every 6 minutes – like clockwork. The problem was that, due to
the medication, she woke up frightened with every contraction, not knowing
where she was. For a surreal 2 to 3 hours, I sat by her bed, waiting for the
next contraction, signaled when Meg opened her eyes in alarm and disorientation.
She once asked me, “Is this real?” I would reassure her that everything was
okay and remind her to use her hypnotic tools in order to feel the contraction
as tightening and pressure rather than as pain. She caught on each time. The
hypnotic training was beginning to pay off in a big way.
Finally,
after 1 a.m., the medication began to
wear off, but the contractions did not become more frequent. Meg laid on her
side and went deeply into an active hypnosis during each contraction. I began
to feel exhausted and anxious, calling the midwives periodically to see if we
could come in. The midwives rightly advised us to wait at home. Toward 3 a.m.,
we hit on the idea of walking around the house. Almost immediately, her
contractions began coming every 3 to 4 minutes. With calming music playing in
the background, we walked a slow circle around the bed, out of the bedroom into
the hall, into the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, and back into the
bedroom. Meg leaned on me through each contraction. After an hour like this, I
called the midwives at 4 a.m.,
ecstatic to be able to report that we had met the final test – contractions
every 3 to 4 minutes for an hour. We got the go-ahead to come in.
I had to
leave Meg to go through several contractions alone with her recorded hypnosis
scripts while I prepared the car, tired, determined and trying not to become
frantic. We had about 4 bags, pillows, blankets, and food. I called her parents
at the hotel, where they were sleeping soundly this second night, to let them
know we were going in. My mother-in-law recalls that the last thing I said in
my sleep-deprived state was, “I have the lasagna.”
Sunday, May 10, 2009
(Finn’s Birth Day)
Arriving at
the birth center, I felt as though I was safely docking a ship that I had not
really been qualified to steer. I was no longer the only person responsible for
helping Meg complete this awesome task. Meg was now also in the hands of Cher,
the midwife, and Nicole, a kind and thoughtful nurse. The birthing center was
an incredibly peaceful place to be, with a wonderful tub and battery-operated
candles that gave the room a gentle glow. Meg’s cervix was now a stretchy 5 to
6 centimeters.
Meg wanted
to try laboring in the tub, so Nicole prepared it for her while Cher,
who had just finished a difficult birth and had not slept all night, took a
needed nap. Meg spent some time in the bath, but could not get comfortable, so
she resumed laboring on the bed, rolling periodically from side to side with my
and Nicole’s help. Nicole knew lots of great tricks that I had not thought of,
including creating a warm compress with rice in a sock that was perhaps the
most useful tool we had during the birth.
By now, Meg
had gone deeply into herself. I began to feel awe being in her presence – an
awe that would grow and multiply from this point forward. She vocalized with
each pressure wave. I drew on the HypnoBabies training to help her continue
feeling in charge of Finn’s beautiful birth. Whenever I sensed fear in her
vocalization, the Peace cue relaxed her within seconds. Early in the morning,
Meg listened to the special childbirth script, but otherwise, she did not feel
the need to listen to her Deepening CD, which could have renewed her hypnosis.
Instead, she remained in a steady state of calmness and relaxation.
We were
frankly not sure whether we would feel comfortable having Meg’s parents in the
room during the birth. We thought it might be too many people for her to
concentrate on her hypnosis. As the morning progressed, we got a chance to talk
about it. I was still feeling overwhelmed focusing on Meg during her frequent
contractions and at the same time trying to locate the right supplies in our
many bags, but more important, Meg felt that she wanted to share this wonderful
experience with her parents. I called them at the hotel around 7 and asked them
to come over, which they did.
Around this
time, Nicole left and a new and equally gracious nurse named Holly came
on-duty. Both Nicole and Holly were visibly impressed with the control that Meg
maintained throughout the increasingly intense contractions. We are extremely
grateful to both of them for helping to make this birth an enjoyable process.
Meg began
to become more active during her contractions as sun began to pour into the
room, and we developed a routine of putting our foreheads together during the
contractions. I would remind and encourage Meg to use her hypnosis, improving
the words based on how she seemed to be feeling and how she responded, and she
would vocalize and focus. Her parents were an enormous help, both spiritually
and physically, applying the hot compress to her back when she felt pressure
there, placing cool washclothes on her forehead, massaging, and catching the occasional
vomit. Later in the morning, Meg’s labor slowed down, as though she were
preparing for the final stage. She even got a little sleep. Cher checked her and she was now at 8 centimeters, with her bag of waters still
intact and Finn’s head a bit above her cervix, resting on the bag of waters.
After noon, Meg woke up and her labor picked up
considerably. In the morning, I had re-discovered the prepared HypnoBabies
suggestions and scripts about which I had completely forgotten. They came in
handy during Meg’s transition, when the intensity of her contractions peaked. I
began to also think about the pushing stage, during which HypnoBabies
instructors encourage mothers to “breathe the baby out” gently rather than
engaging in the strong pushing behaviors taught to a couple generations now by
Lamaze and other techniques. However, I did not find the time to talk about the
pushing stage with Meg, something I would regret momentarily right after the birth.
As she entered
transition – or “transformation,” as we called it – the intensity picked up
again, but hypnosis again allowed Meg to gain control quickly. Her water broke
and the baby’s head dropped further down. I expected the pushing to begin
imminently, as Meg was having strong pushing sensations. The energy in the room
skyrocketed. But the midwife told us to wait. I avoided talking about pushing
because I was focused on helping Meg resist the urge to push, in case her
cervix was not completely dilated.
The midwife
soon arrived and we got Meg up onto the bed so she could be checked. There was
just a lip of her cervix over Finn’s head, and the midwife offered to hold it
back during the next contraction to see if Meg could push Finn past. She did
just that, and from that point on, there was no stopping that baby! With the
encouragement of the midwife, and despite my initial attempts to get through to
Meg and ask her if she wanted a gentler pushing stage, Meg began to push Finn
out incredibly fast. The midwife had us support her legs and lift up her head,
putting her into a crunch. She had Meg hold her breath during the peak of each
contraction, coming every one or two minutes, and push. I was not wholly
comfortable with this, but the midwife had taken over and Meg was understandably
ready to see her child. She wanted this, and she showed it.
Within 12
minutes, to the astonished looks and cries of Cher and
Holly, Finn was crowning. Meg was pushing him incredibly far with each
contraction. The first part of him we saw was wet, purple and full of hair. I
was told it was his head, but I was not yet sure I believed it. With each
contraction, he came further out, and between contractions he moved back up the
canal a little. Pushing is a lot like two steps forward, one step back, as the
birth canal and head mold to each other. It was at this point that Meg truly
became my hero. I had watched her go through almost 60 hours of contractions
and knew how tired she was, but now she was pushing with all her energy,
showing no fear and no pain at all. It was inspiring, and amidst all the
adrenaline, I was moved to tears. It is a moment I know that I and her parents
will never forget.
As Finn’s
head moved to a maximum crowning position, the midwife told Meg to stop
pushing, but Meg was concentrating so hard that it was difficult to make her
understand that the process needed to slow down. The midwife was using warm oil
on Meg’s perineum. We were all yelling at her to stop and relax for about 20
seconds, but she just kept pushing. Eventually she stopped and Cher gently tugged on his head as the next contraction pushed Finn all the way out.
All of him was purple and wet. To be honest, I could hardly believe that this
was him, that this was our baby. The whole situation began to feel surreal, but
quickly gained the substance of fact as Finn’s body pinked up and his cry
began. He instantly was brought up to Meg’s chest, where she nuzzled him and
soon began to sing a Julie Andrews song. Singing so soon after giving birth!
Within a half-hour, Finn was nursing like he was born to do it and he has not
stopped since.
Meg had a
considerable tear, although she seemed to feel no pain. I went through a whole
range of emotions at that point, strongly colored by exhaustion and a cocktail
of adrenaline and other hormones. I felt elated by the birth, but at the same
time like I had failed to prevent the intense pushing that I blame for Meg’s
tear. Meg, however, was nonplussed by the midwife’s nearly hour-long effort to
stitch her up. She was snuggling with her baby boy, who was as cute as he could
be. We’ve got the pictures to prove it. After a little more than an hour, I
fell off a hormonal and emotional cliff and had to walk outside. I imagine many
new fathers experience something like this, given the intensity of the
experience. I used the time outside to call family members. The feeling wore
off quickly and I returned to enjoy the time with my son.
Meg’s
parents soon left us alone to recuperate in the birthing center. We stayed
until just after dark. During our time there a little girl named River was born
in the room next-door. Nicole returned to work the night-shift and walked us
through the basics of caring for a new-born and a new mother.
We are
incredibly thankful to the birthing center, to Cher, Holly
and Nicole, and to Meg’s parents for this wonderful experience. Finn is now
nearly one month old, and growing unbelievably quickly. Meg has healed
wonderfully and is once again pushing my limits on high-powered walks. This has
been an experience that I would recommend to everyone.
. Would you recommend it? I'm also considering checking out the DVD 
. Yowzers, it's nice. I've heard that their other cookbook, 
, is even better. (Perhaps that's because it contains only cupcake recipes, eschewing the collard greens options?) You will not be starved for flavor, little fella'.